I was at another kind of doctor appointment last week and we were talking about babies and the future. I said I was still on the fence. She told me, “Well if you want to you really need to sit down with us and your endocrinologist so we can make sure you are healthy and ready for it.” I’ve read many a pregnant type 1 blogs, have personal friends who have had multiple children while a type 1, even read up on the matter myself. I feel fairly informed.
Emotions can run high… just like my blood sugars.
Sometimes when my blood sugar is high or I eat a lot of carbs…I don’t want my doctor to see my daily total go up or an outrageous bolus size. So I give myself a good ole fashioned shot. A few days ago I took 10 units from my pen because a sticky high would not come down. (It was sticky because I kept grazing from a gift basket sent to my department).
I know I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am. I feel guilty for not being tighter with my control, for eating too many carbs, for going over the “green line of doom!” on the Dexcom.
I doubt I’m the only one that feel this. Guilt is a powerful feeling, especially in diabetics.
So yes, I don’t want to rage bolus for a third time when my blood sugar won’t drop below 200 or when I say, “damnit, I’m having that pretzel roll!” Mmm… pretzel roll. But I will, just maybe in shot form.
That’s it for now because I must find a pretzel roll.